Knowrhythm.net

What is this bitter place,
Simulation im experiencing here.
Path leading down into to the sand.
Moonlight and stars, empty hands.

Walking past I hear you, striking in the distance.
Mirrored image lumbers, standing over innocent.

Im running to the end of curiosity.
Im trying not to lose a thread of sanity.

See the violence frozen, wonder if its finished.
Lying motionless, supposedly the victim.

Im turning away from revelations side of me.
Im feeling for ways to embrace the confrontational.

Breathless, fearless,
Moving strangely,
Draws me, believes me, calls me,
Cant be, the same me, now.

On the other side, her hands are pounding in time.
The sound is bleeding dry, all the tears that she cries.

Slowly close my, distance,
From her, imprisonment.

Door is opened wide, complacent standing inside.
Lost and out of reach, cant seem to help her find.

I leave her by, near,
and still she cries, fear.

Im pulling back into the real inside again.
Im pushing back against the world alive again.

Awaking through, the virtual.
Starts to fade and wash away.

Remember how,
I came around,
I still in need,
Questioning.

07 25 2009

Unravel, free, pulling strings,
Planes land flat in sight.

Symmetry noted, angled lines,
Incident approached from mind outside.

Drawing of one, two, three,
Only me in the end.

Every conversation, present together,
Presented in time soaked patterns.

Inevitable outcomes, come as one,
No outcomes at all leaves no resolve.

No sound, no movement,
Talking all along in length and rhyme.

Where I stay, holding places,
Held up to standard parallel.

Come around, holding tight,
Closer to you pulled down in.

Next to others, next to me,
Riding on chaotic waves.

Great lengths, covered distance,
Expectations thought were lost.

New meanings, new directions,
Old paths remembered.

Spoken words, taken accounts,
Remains written down.

Walk within, folding space,
Leaving nothing to trace.

Back again, back to myself,
One of many still cant tell.

Never left, perspective shift,
Feelings now felt indifferent.

Winding down, echos faint,
All thats left is that unsaid.

07 17 2009

I am a sun.
I am the light.
Revealing impurity and failure.

I am the words.
I am the flame.
Burning away doubt and pain.

I am a weapon.
I am the way.
Absolution in motion and form.

I am myself.
I am the mirror.
Reflection of strength and peace.

07 16 2009

Speaking with my mother recently I asked her on the origins of my name.  For some forgotten reason it was lost to me along the way through my life and I needed to find it again.  Thought it best to explain it in her words, simple, direct and beautiful.

“Your name was chosen when I was pregnant with your sister.  If your sister had been a boy she would have had your name.  Since your sister was born a girl I kept the name I chose for my next child which was you.  Yours is a name I liked and it also had some meaning from my childhood.  When I was very young we did not have a lot of things, however this traveling salesman would stop and sell flavorings for cooking and other things.  His name was the name to later be given as yours and he would on occasion bring us fruits and other goodies. As a kid I thought it was the greatest thing for this man to show up sometimes and out of nowhere bring us goodies…… so I always liked the name…. your name…….

Your middle name is named after my Father. My Father’s middle name…….
So your name was chosen years before you were born….”

I dont remember ever hearing the story of my name in this detail.  She always just told me when I was a child my mother simply said that she just liked the name, never any more detail as to why.  Growing up I never felt comfortable in my given name, or my own self for that matter.  I never understood either completely, though I new there was something more there.  Something I was missing.  Taking notice of things happening in my life recently, I feel like the name fits me now.  I find it remarkable that the man I was named after was a traveler in his own way, trying to help bring some happiness to a little girl.  A girl having to live a tough life.

Names have power.
Names are power.

Though now I realize not only in just the name itself, but also the reason.

Within the reason there is power.
Within the reason there is purpose.
Within the reason there is magic.
Within the reason there is truth.

My true name reminds me who I am, lest I forget again.

Though this name is not my only name.  There is another truth.  I am a man of multiple names. King, Willpower, Balance. The other name was given by my grandfather, in another language entirely, as goes with tradition in his culture.  This however, is a story for another time.

07 10 2009

I am in a home again.  A home comprised of sliding glass doors, frosted glass, modular.  Bright, cool, diffused light throughout. This time someone elses home.  Her name is unknown to me.  Her brother is there with her, his name also unknown.  More strangers, yet I know them somehow, familiar.

Her brother is sick.  He begins to seizure mildly, if there is such a thing.  I stand and watch.  He is sitting there, body vibrating slowly and seems to split in two.  One perspective he returns to a rested state, the other his seizures become more violent, eventually leading to his death.  He is one person again, sitting is his chair.  I tell him nothing of what I saw.

In this home it was to be the first visit on my return from being away.  I think how I returned to this place first, how I have been away from you.  I think of how much I miss you, the warmth of being next to you.  I call and tell you this, ask to see you, stay with you through the night.  I can hear you, currently in the company of family, though you say nothing in response.  I cant stand the silence.  A silence so loud that it wakes me from sleep.

I find that I have not only called you in my dream, but in the waking world as well.  The world where I was sleeping midday on the couch.  The world where I am still away from you.  I lay there, phone in hand, already connected to you.  I tell you of the dream and how I called you while still sleeping, how I still miss you.  I talk about how strange it is to be speaking with you in the dreaming and the waking at the same time.  Still there is silence.  I find myself questioning this for a moment.  A moment in the real world, time frozen in dream.

I wake again.

I wake to find I am still at rest on that couch. I am still there, as if still talking, though I realize there is no phone in my hand.  Its startling to realize I woke into another reality.  A reality outside of a shared dream.  A similar existence, similar frequency, vibration.  Similar but not the same.  Perhaps the seizures were a visual representation.  I woke first into the other, only to return this, the one I have known my whole life.  The other, I suppose, ive known as well, though in this one I write.  The one where my conscious started, I think.

The dream, other realities, the world I find myself currently in.  Only one thing was certain.  In all of these I still miss you and wanting anxiously to return.

07 01 2009