03.20
I woke up earlier than usual this morning. It was difficult to get out of bed and on my feet, body feeling like splintered wood. Despite the sluggishness my mind is racing, fresh with dreams from the hours prior to waking. I am occupied with how the events of the day will unfold, how much energy I will have on reserve. Ive been pretty tired as of late. Already into my morning routine, im having trouble getting going, trying to wake up, looking for some motivation for the day. This day in particular is already feeling less than promising.
Time to go to work. Time to leave the warm, dark confines of my apartment. My mind is still spinning, thoughts being dragged along behind me. The weight of them makes me feel heavy, slow. I hate feeling slow. Outside the air is freezing, eyes taking some time getting adjusted to the flood of bright sunlight. It had apparently snowed at some point overnight, a light dusting of white visible over everything save the sidewalks and streets. Typically the winter is a depressing time for myself. Ive never could manage the holiday spirit with much grace, the constant cold and shortened days. Everything is asleep, hidden away, waiting for spring.
I walk out into my day, like any other to be expected during these months, but something is different. Its not until halfway through the parking lot that I see it. Colored lights begin flashing everywhere. Something like slivers of mirror, shattered glass, dancing around me in a cloud of particles. I have never seen anything like this, something so beautiful and alien, let alone stood in the center of it. It feels like ive stepped into another world, traveled through a portal of sorts. The air around me shimmers with frost, tiny flecks of ice floating everywhere.
Time slows way down and I stop, losing myself in this place, no longer noticing the cold or thinking about my day. My mind is perfectly still, dazzled by the light show on display. This is magic, thousands of tiny prisms, winking in and out of existence. I try to reach out and touch it, expecting that tingling, needle like sensation of it brushing across my skin, surprised to feel nothing at all. There is nothing but the cold air as I pass through. It makes me wonder if it is frost that im seeing at all. Maybe reality is a little thinner here, deteriorated slightly at this moment. Maybe the other world is leaking through. Maybe im just slipping through again, it happens sometimes. I think we all do at times. Often its so brief and subtle that you can miss it with a deep breath, a blink. Other times it could last so long and be so fantastic that you might end up feeling you have gone insane. Whatever it is, sometimes it just makes you stop and marvel at the world around you.
Im moving again. Im no long standing in that place between, that place between my apartment and the road, that place between worlds. Schedules and priorities pull me away from the surreal experience, walking on to catch the bus. The frost is thinner where I am now, but still visible behind me, for a time. It starts to vanish as I get further away, gone by the time I reach the street corner. Gone with it are my preoccupations from the morning, the uncertainty from the night before. I walk away from it but it is still felt, carried with me through the rest of the day, that slow feeling. Everything is a little clearer now, focused, my eyes are sharp. I can still see my breath in the cold air, yet I a little warmer.
Slow. I am moving so slow. I like this slow feeling, different from before, the weight is gone. I have to remember not to move so fast in the future. I dont want to get in such a rush that I miss out on all the brilliance in the world, this one or the others.
2010.01.29