05.31
There was a calm, nurturing presence about her, soft, strong and beautiful. I fell in love with her almost immediately. We sat for some time at the edge of her bed, just talking. Must have been hours, though of course it seemed like much less. The topics of conversation revolved around her mostly. Her interests, cultural background, family, past and present. More importantly about the present, I was of course curious about her interests and attractions concerning myself. Being that she was quite close with her family, I wondered how they felt about her getting involved with me on any level. Me, the outsider. Apparently the issue had come up already and no one seemed to mind. She would be safe with me. Im not sure if it would have changed her disposition towards me anyways, had they disapproved for some reason. All was well and life was as usual in the desert.
The desert was where her family lived for as long as she could remember. It was the desert, though not a hot, barren wasteland. Sand dunes are replaced with patchwork bushes, small cactus and red rock mesas off in the distance. They call a little silver trailer in the middle of all this home. Its beautiful out here, just like her. This place serving as a mirror for her, all her qualities.
She as to leave now. Unfortunately I cant go with her at this moment. Her and her brothers, maybe a few cousins, are on their way to town. Supplies from the local markets was the purpose of the trip. The possibility of a stop at the shopping mall was also mentioned as they hopped in a couple of older model pickup trucks. Not really much is said otherwise. The family just gets to doing whatever its time to do. I step outside, saying goodbye to the girl and she replies with a simple smile. It seemed to last forever…her smile. I am left there standing alone in front of the trailer, alone in the desert. I watch as the trucks drive off, billowing dust clouds in their wake. I miss her already.
It is time for me to leave as well. Im not exactly sure how I got out there, not having a car or ride otherwise. I was so caught up in the moment, so wrapped up in my time with the girl that everything else ceased to matter. My time with her seemed to have wiped any memory of events prior, leaving nothing but what was to come. Something like that can be either a good or bad thing. It all depends on where you were coming from. There are no other cars left around so im assuming I was dropped off or walked here. It doesn’t seem important anymore how I got there. I decide to just start walking. I set out unsure as to which direction I should be going. It doesn’t seem important at this point either.
The air out is warm and dry. Seems to be sometime around midday. It is very bright out, in comparison to the shaded interior of the trailer. Looking up towards the sun, already in descent from its highest point, I see a rather large bird flying directly above me. It is low enough that it should be casting a shadow yet it does not. I am able to make out more details as my eyes are given a chance to adjust. I have never seen any bird of its like. I guess from its shape and size that it is most likely an eagle, more closely resembling that of a bald eagle. Most notable about the bird is the coloration of its feathers. It is white all over except for the tips of its wings and tail feathers, which have a red tint them. I wonder if its the natural look of the bird, or being that its a bird of prey, if it was stained by the blood of a recent kill. Perhaps it was once covered in brilliant red, sun gradually bleaching all color from its plumes, leaving only faded remnants of its past. Being that the case, I question how, as its underside would be shaded from the sun overhead.
The eagle continues to circle around above me, even as I walk out into the desert, away from the trailer. It flies off a bit ahead, then suddenly drops altitude and lands directly in front of me about thirty meters away. It is close enough now and at a better viewing angle, that I can make out more of its detail. The coloring, both the white and red, is uneven and dull. This makes it look dirty at first glance, slightly yellowed edges where a brilliant white should be, flecks of white creeping on the remaining patches of red. I realize now that it is far from dirty. In my prior experience, birds I have seen have always been well groomed, and this one is no exception. The discoloration of its feathers is not from dirt, but rather its age. I liken it to that of an elderly man, silvery white hair, spotty wrinkled skin. This bird in particular is old, extremely old. Old by bird standards and I imagine even human. I can see its age clearly now though it is still visibly strong and capable.
Standing tall, and proud, its sharp eyes remain fixated on me as I continue to move closer. It looks as if it is trying to tell me something, convey some message, maybe just showing itself on my level. I want to ask it why its here, why im here, how it got here, where im going. I want to ask it about its feathers, why they are colored they way they are. Before I can get within reach, even a speaking distance, the eagle takes off to the sky, soaring ahead of me again. This time flying further out, turning back before getting too far away, coming to float again directly overhead.
I am still walking across this desert, still no direction, still watching the eagle above, still intrigued by its unusual feathers. I look up now and see it looking back. I wonder what it is watching, what it sees. I wonder what, if anything, it wants from me, what it knows about me. Maybe its just bored and I am the only thing moving around out here in the midday sun. It could very well be waiting for me to fall over dead so it can eat me. Would be easy meal, all things considered, for a bird its size. I doubt either is the case. If it has something do, something to say, its going to have to come down again here and do it. It is obviously waiting for something, waiting for me to do something. Im sure ill find out eventually if I keep walking.
2010.05.31